To continue my celebration of World Breastfeeding Week 2014 I decided to republish blog posts from my breastfeeding at 15 months old from my blog http://www.itzybellababy.blogspot.com. This post is from July 2013. I was over a year into my breastfeeding experience, and the story shows me how far we have come.
The past few weeks we have been doing the breastfeeding then bottle thing with the baby. It has been pretty successful at keeping her asleep almost the entire night, almost every night. I have enjoyed the sleep after almost a year and a half of 2-3 hours of sleep at a time.
My milk supply is dwindling more. We knew this was possible. It was low before we started, so this was no shock. She is down to 3 regular breast feeds on most days. One is between 4-6 am, and she may or may not go back to sleep closer to 6.
We don’t have bottles at that time, and she has only asked for it once, and I said no. She went back to sleep, so that was ok. We have one for her nap, followed by a bottle every time. A few times she refused the breast at that nap, until she got the bottle.
These are hard feeds for me. She will latch on and off several times, cry, ask for the bottle ( which can no longer be hidden to be fooling her.) I feel very sad when she wont take the breast first. She wants that instant bottle which pours into her mouth. I get that.
My let down is slower than ever, and her cries make me tense, making it slower.. we work through it. A few days we dropped the breast at naptime. It was pure hell for me. I was emotional, I was agitated. We added the feed back and I felt better instantly. It took me a few days to even work out that that was the issue.
Weaning like this will not be pleasant for me, and like it or not, I think she is indifferent to it. So, is this the right path? Yes. I needed the sleep. I am not going to guilt myself about it at 18 months to encourage, sort of… weaning.
We have come so far. So much farther than most. Not as long as others. But I think impressively far.
As I thought last time I posted- I could go on like this as long as the milk holds out and she still will take it. If I go back to work before she has dropped the lunch feed, it will have to go anyway. I wont be pumping I suspect.. nothing really comes out these days, and it stresses me. So why bother. I cant increase my flow, only try to maintain what is left for as long as she wants it.
So that is where we are. I am coming to terms with it as best I can. Every time I feed her now, I think- this could be the last time she will take the breast. Enjoy it. I hold her hand. I kiss her head. I feel her little feet kicking off of my stomach, like she does. I breathe deep and wait for the little sounds she makes when she is satisfied. They are fewer and far between at the breast, so I inhale them.