CSA Vegetables

csa-score

 

I recently signed up for a CSA delivery basket. This is community supported agriculture.

In Phoenix, we have weird growing seasons compared to the east side of the world, and this is our best time of year for a variety of foods.

I made some awesome stuff with those Anaheim chilies. I will be posting the recipes on My Itzy shortly.

Organic produce is amazing for so many reasons.  If you get the chance to support it, please do!

I found my CSA on this link for Local Harvest.

Check it out for your area.

Hurricane Odile

Hurricane Odile

Well kids, looks like Phoenix is about to get slammed with yet another hurricane.. what? This is the desert people!

We have already had double our average rainfall for the year. We are not even through the monsoon season yet.. and of course we usually get rain in November and December.. so what are we in for? Hurricane Odile that is what.

 

At our house we have been pretty lucky… knocks on wood… we haven’t lost power, and only had a few leaky windows which were not a big deal.

We got one window caulked up and it held.. the other window still has a leak, but we need to look into it more since he leak does not appear to be near the frame. That is bad news probably.. could be somewhere we can’t get to easily.

So- anyway- Odile has already torn up Cabo and every place in its path. We are seeing cloudy skies already this morning and there is a 50% chance of rain. It increases to 80% by Wednesday. Lucky us!

Normally I would be happy to see the rain, but when it comes down so hard and so fast, it runs right off and takes everything with it. All it has down for us was create TONS of weeds in our yard. And they are mean weeds.. hard to kill, hard to even pull. It is amazing.

I am trying to make sure we are stocked up on everything we might need.. batteries, propane.. you never know when power will go out. Best to be ready!

So- if you all notice that the posts are not coming this week, you will know we lost power.. lol… at least it won’t be terribly hot during the storm.. just humid as all get out..it is already humid today!

Five Things for Frugal Friday

Five Things for Frugal Friday

So this week I have come to the place where I have not had any freelance work in several weeks. I make a very very small amount on my blogs and reviews, and this will not be sufficient to pay the bills.

We have already cut tons from our budget.

I am looking for a job, this could take a long time.

I am actively trying to solicit more freelance work.

But we need to do more. In this vein, I have been brainstorming ways to not spend money on things we need.

Here are the things I am trying this week:

1. Using coconut oil for oral care

I have coconut oil that I have been using for some skin concerns. I am doing oil pulling, and really like it a lot. I decided to try to go toothpaste-free while I experiment.

2. Making my own dishwasher detergent

I am running out of the detergent I bought or got free for review. Long ago I purchased materials to make this, so I am digging it out and whipping it up

3. Digging deep into the cupboards

For some reason we have a lot of canned and frozen stuff we buy and don’t eat promptly. We are going to remedy this. New recipes will hopefully entice the toddler as well.

4. More ebay and Thredup

This is not so much saving money, but attempting to make some. I have way too many baby and toddler clothes and the consignment store has been ultra picky. I need to unload to make room for the “winter” clothes that some very nice cousin gave us last year. We are in that size now!

I ordered the Thredup bag, and will be sending some clothes off to them, hoping for some return. (by the way if you want to sign up and send a bag in, I get a credit, so go ahead and sign up)

I will turn those credits into anything the toddler will need coming up.

5. Making my own deodorant

I am out of my last tube of sample stuff and Dove. I have been experimenting with a mix of coconut oil and dusting powder that I already made. That powder has arrowroot powder and cornstarch. My first attempt was pretty good, but I had some rose flowers and lavender in the powder and that is less than comfy under my arms.. the de-stink factor IS working though, so I need to get a good recipe that I can get into a stick. That should be fun.

These are a few small things to do, but things that I would be spending money on this week, or soon, so I thought they were good places to start.

So- what kind of things are YOU doing to save money?

5 Ideas to Help You Stay Home

5 Ideas to Help You Stay Home

Itzybellababy

5 Ideas to Help You Stay Home

I have been home with my daughter, pretty much since she was born. ( I did go back to work briefly after she was born, but it wasn’t working out.. so I quit my job.) How the heck did I do it?

First off, we did have a nest egg. A nice one. But not matter how big that nest egg is, going from 2 incomes to one is a huge shock, especially when you add in a new baby. Not everyone can achieve this. It has been almost 2.5 years now, and we are still ok. Not absolutely fine, but decent enough that we are keeping things as is.

1. Cut costs to a minimum.

We got rid of cable about a year in. I suppose we could have cut this earlier, but with me being up all hours of the night that first year, I really felt that tv kept me sane. HBO, home improvement shows.. you get the idea. I logged MANY hours a day as I breastfed my daughter almost non stop.. it was complete insanity.. but the cost at the time seemed justified. I really thought I would be going back to work after a short time, so it really didn’t seem like a splurge. In hindsight- that was $1700 I could still use! Cut your landline. We never used it. We got that right away.

2. Save money on baby items

Use cloth diapers. I did our set up for under $200. If you are thinking you are going dryer free- use easy to dry flats and diaper covers- I have another post on that.. Breastfeed if you can. Formula is expensive. Bottles are expensive. It isn’t for everyone, but it sure was for us.. for 28 months! Be thrifty on clothing, furniture and supplies. Consignment stores are great places to pick this stuff up and then to unload it later if you no longer need it. Always check for recalls on toys and furniture just in case!

3. Learn to fix stuff

We have an older house, and a lot of my appliances are over 10 years old. Things break. ALL the time. Luckily, I have a man that loves to fix stuff. He can’t fix everything- like garage doors for example- ours has had 2 components fail in 6 years (personal note- would have been cheaper to get a new one installed vs. what we paid to repair this one.) We had to get those things fixed. It was very expensive! He was able to replace the garbage disposal. He was able to fix the dryer (AND OMG it was not easy!) He is pretty handy with the tools. He gets online and watches youtube videos until he understands, and off he goes! As for me, I have a fantastic sewing machine, and a little bit of skill. I can sew split seams, hem pants, replace buttons and button holes.. not fancy, but serviceable. I have gotten extra wear from MANY items. I thought it would be fun to sew baby clothes, but unless I have the fabric around, it is cheaper to buy used. lol.

4. Mama cloth

When my “special lady time” revisited me after my daughter’s birth, I was happy to try mama cloth to save a TON of money. I still use “disposable” pads for going out and travel, but that is such a small amount of time, I actually have not purchased any since daughter was born.. I had a stash and am just using them slowly. Mama cloth is pretty easy to make at home, or you could even buy pads.. but to save the most money- make it! I use old towels, scrap flannel.. and when my daughter finally potty trains, I will be using MUCH of her diaper inserts for my own mama cloth creations.

5. Online coupons and deals

I have always loved coupons, but found it a chore to get newspapers and flyers and such and clip all those little pieces of paper. Don’t get me wrong, if you are into it- do it. There are hundreds of coupons every week, and using them with strategic shopping can get you a bunch of savings. I have found that for us, using one grocery store and shopping their online deals has saved us a bundle. I go online before shopping trips, load the coupons I want to their discount card, and shop from a list. I also end up getting special coupons from them in the mail based on what we buy often. I don’t have to do much work for this.. easy as pie!

 

There are a million ways to save money if you put your mind to it.. what are your favorite ways?

 

 

5 Ideas to Help You Stay Home

Cloth Diapering Without a Dryer

We have been without a dryer for about a week now-cloth diapering without a dryer is different to say the least. I am feeling pretty stubborn about buying a new one so the man has been troubleshooting ours to get it to work.

dipe

We have been finding ways to get our diapers washed and dried without an insane amount of fuss.

For one- my daughter has been sick for a week and has not been making a lot of dirty diapers for me. I am not happy she is sick but the coincidence has made the lowered volume of diapers a bit convenient.

Second, we can’t dry anything outside because of allergies and and insane amount of dirt and pollen in the air. We CAN use the garage though, and in Phoenix in summer that is just as good as a dryer without the tumbling. We do have access to the tumbling function of our dryer, so even though there is no heat, we can still use it for that.

So what did we find out so far?

1.Microfiber, velour, terry cloth and thick overnight inserts take forever to dry and they end up crunchy.

2. Flats are fabulous. They dry fast anywhere, and they don’t end up terribly crunchy.

3. Flips are always fabulous and it doesn’t matter if you have a dryer or not for these because we usually hang them dry anyway. We have about 10 I think and we find them more than enough for a toddler. We had a few more diapers in the mix as she has grown, but if you are on a budget Flips are where I would put money. They are one size, and easy to maintain and clean.

4. We have a few pocket diapers, and they do ok in this routine. Frankly though, I am not a fan of pockets overall, so I don’t suggest them. If you do want to use these with microfiber, you don’t have to worry about scratchy microfiber touching baby skin since it is tucked away.( I always hang my pocket diapers to dry anyway.)

See the Amazon widget for a link to some examples of what we are using.

So here is our set up.

1. We wash. We have a HE washing machine so the liquid is pretty effectively removed.

2. We take out the Flip liners and just hang them any old way in the bathroom. We keep a regular clothes hanger on the shower rack and I snap them all together and hang them there. It is like a big diaper chain. It dries within a few hours since our humidity is so low here. We can add a fan to the room if we need the diapers faster.

3. I separate out the flats and unwrinkle them. I try to get them as unwrinkled as possible and hang them individually, spread out on our dryer rack.

(see the Amazon widget for the one we use- we had one already that we used to dry hockey gear with. It works great for stinky gear and diapers.)

I can fit a decent number of these on here- probably about 20 easily. You don’t need clothespins for this type of process. You can add a fan to this area as well if you need to dry the flats faster- I find they dry easily overnight, so I don’t usually do that.

I do all the baby laundry together, so anything else she has in there I put on baby hangers and just dangle those along the drying rack. That stuff takes a little longer.

As a side note, we are of course drying our clothes and towels by line as well. Those go in the garage, on a make shift clothesline that the man set up for us. Everything goes on hangers out there too.. lol

4. We are still washing some microfiber inserts and thick overnight inserts. This I do not suggest with no dryer. I am hanging them in the garage, and I find they take FOREVER to dry. They are not soft and they are all stretching to weird shapes.. When I take some of them out they are literally as stiff as a piece of paper. Once we get a dryer again I am not sure if they will return to softness again.

 

5. Since we do still have the tumbling dryer available, I toss everything in there for a cycle and fill the dryer with my wool dryer balls. I have a few home made ones, but most of mine are Woolzies, which I reviewed last year, and  find to be superior.

The dryer balls really soften everything up and it has been great. If you don’t have the dryer, you can definitely get by with squishing up your flats to soften them. They don’t get nearly as crunchy as the microfiber inserts and such

Overall, I am only missing my dryer a little. I find the house is much cooler, and although it adds a short amount of extra work, it isn’t terrible. I do wash the loads a little more often so I don’t need to dry a lot at once. It hasn’t been as terrible as I thought it would be.

The man is going to be trying another round of troubleshooting after work tonight, so we shall see how that goes. Until then, I will keep “line drying.”

It CAN be done, and I will say I am CERTAIN if you go this route, you will be able to save tons of money both on diapers and electricity!

If you want to go one more step and go without a washer, I am betting you will find that possible as well. Don’t let the naysayers say nay!

Cloth diapering without a dryer can be done!

Flashback: Breastfeeding at 18 months, an update from 9/13

To continue my celebration of World Breastfeeding Week 2014 I decided to republish blog posts from my breastfeeding at 18 months old from my blog http://www.itzybellababy.blogspot.com. This post is from September 2013. I was way over a year into my breastfeeding experience, and the story shows me how far we have come.

logo

http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/ logo


9-30-13

A status update, to my toddler on her 18 month birthday.

I thought it would be a nice time to summarize what you are like at 18 months old. Sure I have loads of videos and pictures, but you cant get a real sense of the things you do from day to day that tickle your parents.


First off- I am pretty excited that you sleep pretty much through the night. You didn’t do that for the first 14 months or so of your life. Since your mom (thats me) also didn’t sleep the last month or so of pregnancy, that is a dang long time not to sleep properly. I was a little insane for a bit. I am better now.

You do wake up a few hours before actual wakeup to nurse. You are asking for milk in a kind of sleepy haze, and as long as I deliver it immediately, you and I can go back to sleep. This is how breastfeeding should be, in my opinion, and this is why we are still doing it. It is easy.

Speaking of sleep. We currently both sleep in your bedroom. We have a crib.. we haven’t used that much in your lifetime, but it makes a great place for your dad’s clothes. I wont comment if they are clean or not. I stay out of that. He has the big bedroom and king size bed to himself, and his 10 pillow empire. He hates sleeping alone, but mom goes to visit him while you sleep sometimes, so its ok.

Back to our sleeping arrangement. We have a twin mattress and the crib mattress on the floor in your room. We have them pushed together, and we sleep there.The room has a little gate on it, and that keeps you in the room if you wake up before me. Usually, you just wake me up with hugs or kisses or sometimes you even wake up giggling and saying seemingly out of the blue things, like CARSEEE. ( your word for cars. I think you think carseat and car are the same.)

We have the ability to turn your crib into a toddler bed, and the crib mattress is supposed to fit that. We also can turn it into a twin bed later. Although, we already have a twin daybed in here. That is currently holding your big stuffed animals and your baskets of folded diapers and clean clothes that I never have time to put away.

We spend a lot of time in the bedroom some days. The past month or so, you have decided that naptime should be sometime between 1-4 pm to start. Since I am never sure, we eat our lunch around 12-1 and then head to the bedroom to nurse, than have a bottle, and then wait until you wind down to sleep. As I type this, I am trying to get you down, but you are telling me something about your blanket, with a pacifier in your mouth, and you are not even slightly interested in napping. You may be pooping. You already did twice today, so I am not sure.

So, you still use a pacifier. I am pretty sure, if I let you, you would have it in your mouth 24/7. I try to limit it to the times we are in this room. If I can, I grab it from you before we leave the room, and tell you its kaka. You laugh. I go hide it under your pillow for later. You of course know they are there, and go crazy if they are missing. I dread the day we have to break this habit. Frankly, they have saved my sore boobs over the past 16 months or so, and I am not regretting introducing them. But I know we face a struggle ahead to stop them.

Bottles.. yes, you are drinking from a bottle at naps. Its not that you can’t drink from cups- you can. You have straw cups all over the house with water in them for you. ( we skipped sippy type cups, supposed to be bad for your teeth- you never liked them anyway) So in the bottles, we mostly have organic cows milk these days. I started you with almond milk, with extra protein. You used to have hiccups from milk- even when I ate it. You have hiccups right now, oddly. I thought you were allergic, but turns out, you arent. So cows whole milk is your friend. You get frozen breast milk once in awhile too. It makes your poo all smooshy like it was when you only drank milk, so I limit it. You still get an eczema outbreak when I drink orange juice, but it isn’t nearly as bad as before, and you don’t scratch your arm off, so I think I can probably drink a bit now and then. You, however, I think should still avoid it. Any lemon juice in the puree pouches will give you the itches.

I still have a small stash of pumped breast milk in the freezer. I haven’t been able to pump anything since about June, and really, I never pumped more than 4 ounces at a time when you were really young, and that eventually tapered off over time. I really wanted to donate some of the milk, but I never had enough stocked up to keep enough for you, and donate. I thought I was going to work, and wanted to have 150 ounces or so, when I thought you would be drinking bottles all day away from me. I am kind of glad we didn’t have to send you to daycare when you were still breastfeeding 10-12 times a day. It would have been a big change for us. I would have been sad. I feel sad I couldn’t donate the milk. It might have been able to help some baby and mama somewhere. Anyway, the milk is all yours, and over time, I will finish what is frozen there.

So we nurse 3 times a day of late. Only in bed. Only at naptimes. You really dont ask for it any other time, and I don’t offer it. You know where it is when you need it. You just stick your hands right down my shirt and grab at it. It is kind of funny. I tried to stop the nap nurse but I got grumpy, so I started again, and felt better. Some day we will talk about oxytocin. It is good. You do not get a lot of milk from me anymore. I count the number of times you swallow as you nurse. Some days you can be there for 3 minutes or so, and only swallow 4-5 times. I have heard up to 10.. but not much more. I sat and counted how many times you swallowed milk in a 4 ounce bottle.. I counted like 60 times and you hadn’t even had a quarter of it. So I would guess my milk is probably less than an ounce for both breasts. You are still getting all the good bacteria and such in that small amount though, so it is not a waste.

I never intended to nurse this long. I figured going back to work would naturally cut that out earlier. But we are home all day together, and we are still at it. I am ok with that. I made my 6 month and then my one year goal, and anything past that is gravy. When you are ready, you will stop. Or I will get a job, and it will probably stop soon after that. But 18 months is a fantastic run!

So we spend our days in rather boring manners. You play with your crazy insane collection of toys. They are everywhere. I don’t even bother to clean them up half the time. I try to do a blog, and I try to get contract work doing my career stuff. It helps pay the bills.

You are pretty much a mellow baby most of the time. I don’t let you get all riled up about things, I will admit… although you do throw a toddler fit at least once or twice or 100 times a day. Usually this involves you banging your head on something, or throwing something. It isn’t very fun to watch.

You like to throw your food on the floor. You like to make your mom crazy from day to day, when you decide what you want to eat and what you don’t. You call blueberries and grapes- balls. You call pears, apples and anything else round and fruity an apple. You ask for pouches of purees by saying- mmm mmm. You also take them out of the cabinet yourself. You ask for cookies and crackers. You call bread by-ee for some reason I don’t understand, and you have a little pink plastic plate in the living room that you cry out by–ee by—eee and I put little torn up pieces of bread on it for you to snack. You haven’t had much experience with a fork, but you can shovel some food in your mouth with a spoon when I feel like giving you a bath. ( you turn the spoon over every time!)

You like to eat dog food. You like to get in the dog’s crate and close the gate. The dog is not impressed by this, but she doesn’t let on. You also splash her water all over the floor, and lick your fingers. I almost vomit when I see this. I stop you by the way, but you are clever sometimes.

You wear cloth diapers and pretend to help me fold them up, after unfolding them helpfully. You like to grab my underwear and wear them around your neck. You also like to put purses and belts and such around your neck as scarves. We are not as amused by this. I have to keep on you not to hurt yourself.. it is odd. I never can tell what you might do next.

Your father has named several of your stuffed animals, and I think you know who they all are. I don’t..I can’t keep track. You love anything with Mickey and Minnie Mouse on it. You love to watch them and anything with Winnie the Pooh. You also like to watch some Sesame Street skits with your dad, on his phone. You say-book book book like the characters. You love heavy metal. You pretend to bang your head like a metal star. You know what hockey is, and point it out whenever you see it.

You are learning new words every day. I stopped counting around 40 or so.. I think that is a lot. Sometimes you string them together. Usually when you are angry and want something. You can still sign a few words, but now that you can say them, you have left most behind.

You were 25 pounds and almost 33 inches the last time I measured you.. may be more now.. it seems the last month or so you have grown a bunch. You have 12 teeth. You do not let me count them. I have to tickle you to make you laugh, and then I secretly look at your teeth. You sometimes will brush your teeth, and by that I mean you chew on your toothbrush. We will work on that one.

You know how to take off your pants and Velcro diapers. You love to wear your squeaky zebra print shoes. You like looking at people when we go out, and you love our hockey friends.

 Every day you do something to make us smile. A surprise nuggle when I am washing dishes, a kiss on my arm when we are watching tv, a kiss on my back when I am sewing and you sneak up on my chair behind me, the way you squeal when your daddah comes home from work…You are an awesome little person, and we sure love having you around.

Flashback: Breastfeeding at 15 Months, an Update from 7/2013

To continue my celebration of World Breastfeeding Week 2014 I decided to republish blog posts from breastfeeding at 15 months from  my old blog http://www.itzybellababy.blogspot.com. This post is from July 2013. I was over a year into my breastfeeding experience, and the story shows me how far we have come.

logo

http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/ logo


 

I knew when I got pregnant, that breastfeeding was the only thing for me and my baby. I researched, read everything I could, and was certain that even if I had issues, I was going to work through them.

I wasn’t so much interested in the process, per say, but I knew that the milk I made was the best thing, the most dependable thing I could feed her. I also felt that as long as I was staying home with her, I would try to keep breastfeeding as long as it was working for us.

My first goal was 6 months, then 12 and I haven’t really set a goal past that, as I was planning to return to work, and was not sure how I would feel then. So, initially, I took an awesome class with a Lactation Consultant, who I also engaged as my Doula, and I felt confident in my choice.

I had issues the first couple days, and I will not deny that I gave in to the Doctors, when my giant baby ( 11 pounds, 11 ounces) lost more than 10% of her birth weight the first few days. I was on anti-hemorrhage meds, and it took 5 days for my milk to come in, and at their bullying I broke down and gave my baby formula for about 2 weeks. We did make very conscious efforts about how she got it. Not from a bottle. And always after I put her to breast for as long as I could tolerate it.. sometimes up to an hour, sometimes longer.

When her Dad was giving her those little droppers of formula, I was pumping. Even if I got a few drops at a time of that precious colostrum, she got it. We where lucky, that as soon as my milk came in, it was plentiful and she never got nipple confusion or denied me. Things were still tough. She fed almost continuously it seemed, as newborns do.

I honestly have very little memories of that time. I didn’t sleep even when she slept those 20-45 minutes a few times a day. But we managed to work it out. Fast forward- over the next 10-12 months, that baby breastfed consistently every 2-3 hours, every day of her life.

There are only a handful of days over the past 15 months where she has slept more than 6 hours at a time. Only 2 or 3 of those days in the past month or so. I pumped off and on, and she got pumped breast milk sometimes at social events when mom wanted a glass of wine, or the few times we left her with family for a few hours. I would say though, that our breastfeeding relationship has been really good for most of these months. Teething, and some colds featured some bitey days and demands that were harder for me, but I really grew to enjoy the process, in a way I hadn’t realized I would.

So I have been actively trying to get a job for the past 7 months. I have to admit, it is not going well. I have had more interviews than I can count, and my anxiety has spiraled. As time goes on, I feel not only am I less interesting to an employer, I also feel my work knowledge may become dated. I do try keep up, but it is not the same as working.

I also have had some mental stress about how I will keep up breastfeeding at work. My baby has been slowly, slowly decreasing her feeds over the past 3 months or so, but we are still on the high side of what others are doing at this age. She eats 2 big meals a day and we snack all day, so I know she is getting good nutrition from me, as well as solids. I only recently have added regular, non breast milk liquids to her diet (almond milk with added protein, whole milk rarely and water.)

My period had returned about 4 months ago, and I have noticeably less milk past my monthly ovulation. My let down seems slower, and my baby is less satisfied with our sessions than she used to be. I tried lactation cookies, fenugreek, pumping, and a few other suggested supplements to try to boost my supply during those 2 weeks. But nothing really has helped. I talked to a lactation consultant, and she agreed I was doing all I could, but really, it is hard to increase your supply at 15 months unlike those early months of breastfeeding.

I felt discouraged, but I kept at it anyway. So this month, I have been having a lot of issues with baby. She has been a little growth spurty, teething and is starting to test her toddler limits. She only will breastfeed in our bed, laying down, in spite of all the places we used to do it. She refuses to adjust her latch most days to a nice comfortable position that does not leave teeth marks on me, or even scrapes me. I have consulted many sources on how to reposition her and other techniques, but she is stubborn. It has been painful to say the least.

Prior months we had bitey issues, but we worked them out.. this month, not so much. She is cutting 2 molars, and 2 other teeth right now, so I get that it is a hard time, and may pass. It also may not. But I have to say, that my patience feels thinner for all of this. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about that. I really want to be able to say that I let her wean, and that we will do this as long as she wants, but there is a part of me that is really considering weaning.

As I mentioned, we had a few nights this month where she actually slept longer than a 5 hour stretch. It was bliss. Good heavy dinners I think helped, but I can’t make her eat anymore than she wants. I just offer variety and hope. I did get a little desperate one night and popped a bottle of whole milk on her, after she nursed me raw for about a half hour- which is a lot longer than she usually nurses these days. She loved it. She slept from 9-4am. It was bliss.. So I thought we would try again. And again. I also started this for naps. Nursing first. Always, and if she wanted more, I gave it to her. I was careful not to let her see the bottle though. Today, for her nap, I made the mistake of letting her see the bottle of pumped milk I defrosted for her. I have a few ounces that will be “expiring” and I didn’t want to waste it. We laid down to nurse, but she could see that damn bottle and when she didn’t get letdown in 40 seconds, like she wanted, (it usually takes a few minutes these days,) she started crying for that damn bottle. I gave it to her.. and cried while she drank it. I felt pretty bad. She started to doze off a bit, but I actively offered the breast to her, and she took it, begrudgingly.

I felt even worse. When I do go back to work, she will be going to daycare. I read so many stories about how babies get sick so often there. Especially initially as they are being exposed to so many more germs and such, than they normally would staying home. I also weigh in that most of those babies are on formula. I know that my milk protects her, as long as we are nursing, and not just getting frozen pumped milk. I want her to have that immunity. I want her to be healthy.

I am not sure where it leaves me. I feel like she may not miss the nursing if we stopped. That milk is plentiful, comes from an endless source and is instant. She does not seem to care if its my pumped milk, whole cow milk or almond milk. That makes me feel even worse. I really feel like it would make my life easy to not have to ever start a job and worry about pumping and lugging milking supplies about. If she was younger, I wouldn’t even consider weaning before I started working, but at 15 months, I feel more like I might be happier to do that.

I will most probably be working with chemicals in my job, wherever it may be, and it gives me a lot more pause while nursing, than it would as a regular person. I know all the risks, and where the hazards are. That is my job to control those for everyone, but that doesn’t ever really mean zero exposure to anyone. I add this to my list of justifications in my mind. I don’t know what we will do. .. I am just not sure I feel like weaning is the right thing for me. I do not want to be selfish. I have been so giving and self-sacrificing the last year and I take a certain pride in that. I know I have done the best I could do in every situation, with her in mind at every turn.

I do not want to look back and say- I should have.. I really have been so confident in my choices so far…this is new ground. I just know I want to make the right choice. One where I will not feel guilty later for stopping too soon, and wishing I hadn’t. I know that there is only one choice that alleviates my guilt, and that is to let her decide. Hmmm…